It was my third time going to see Brandon. I was 21-years-old and though we had just met, a part of me was immediately and profoundly connected, heartbroken and enchanted.

Hearing these parts of his story dislodged something in my fibers that I couldn’t quite put my finger, or heart, on. The longing was painful and scared me tremendously.

At the same time, I couldn’t look away from him, I couldn’t leave, I didn’t want to. The heartbreak felt like being dragged and scraped over rocks of self-betrayal. Though my strength looks different now than it did back in 1999 when Boys Don’t Cry was released, the life of Brandon Teena continues to impact my life. I could only watch the movie so many times before my face smeared off and the silent sobs broke my rib cage. Above everything, I felt an incredible sense of gratitude and enchanted because Brandon Teena was visible on the big screen and his story changed me forever.

My name is Alex Vaughan and I am non-binary and transgender/trans-masc. My pronouns are they/them/their. Being able to say all these things about myself didn’t always come so easy. I began to openly share that I am gay at age 19 but I didn’t learn the term nonbinary to describe my gender identity until I was 40. When I did, it was incredibly healing. I remember sitting in my therapist’s office, mouth agape and there was some singing in the distance. The little kid in the backyard who wanted to take their shirt off to work in the yard with their dad showed up, smiling with dirt and worms in their hands. The middle schooler who fought their mother when asked to wear a dress cracked open the door and peered into the room.

The 20-something adult who cut off all their long brown hair, started performing as a drag king and completely overturned their wardrobe sat down quietly next to me on the couch. My face warmed like toast and I immediately start negotiating with myself to control my panic. I did not want it to overshadow my joy. Wait, I thought, am I non-binary or transgender? I was not prepared for any of this. Why do I feel so alarmed? The truth caught up as it does and a few months later manifested itself as a full blown panic attack. I acknowledged to myself that I also identify as transgender.

Brandon knew something we all know as people who do not absolutely identify within the body we were born. I imagine he left home to start over, to build himself a new life, an authentic life as the man he knew he was. People in his hometown may have known him by a different name, a different pronoun but Brandon was always Brandon.

The fact is non-binary and transgender people are continually put in a position to explain why we are the way we are but just like cisgender people, we just are. People are not broken. The problem is in our belief systems about transgender and non-binary people that we have created, uphold and perpetuate. I had to unpack my own transphobia because I was scared of the very thing I am. I was scared of being rejected for who I am. I was scared I’d be killed for being transgender. I was just scared. Brandon’s story may have been told on his own terms in some other capacity had he been given the opportunity.

I imagine a world where visibility leads to awareness and extension. And by this I mean an extension of voices, hands, hearts and minds that collaborate bringing love and support for all humans. I am a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community and dedicate my life to being an advocate for LGBTQ rights, educating and lifting voices, opening doors and spreading hope. Our lives impact each other in ways sometimes we don’t always recognize at the time.

I wouldn’t be where I am without Brandon’s story being told. Speak Brandon Teena’s name. Speak up for the transgender community because we need it. November 20 marks the annual observance of Transgender Day of Remembrance to honor the memory of the transgender people whose lives were lost in acts of anti-transgender acts of violence. Sadly, like many other amazing people who identify as transgender, Brandon’s life was cut short but his story hasn’t ended. Though it is unclear whether or not Brandon identified as transgender but we do know he left home at age 20, trying to find a new community where no one knew him in hopes of living an authentic life.

I want to leave the world a better place. Brandon certainly did that for me.