“We are not a one-size-fits-all society, we’re not one-size-fits-all humans, so why should our death care be that way?” Carroll wondered.

Deciding on and preparing for end-of-life services can help unburden families when the time comes. Merelli experienced the effects of this herself this past February, when her sister Stacey died unexpectedly.

While nothing can take away the pain of grief, “My work has helped me tremendously during this time in terms of knowing what to do,” Merelli said. “I was really grateful that I knew what to do, that she wanted water cremation, that she wanted to become flowers in a garden and be returned to the Earth … people have choices about all of this.” 

According to the DeathWives, one of the ways to make people more comfortable with death is to talk about it more. They encourage families to bring kids to funerals and have open and honest conversations about end-of-life desires. 

“I believe that the reason death is so taboo in America is because it’s literally behind closed doors,” Carroll said. She explains that in America, people go from hospitals and nursing homes directly to funeral homes. Oftentimes, the family is absent during the dying process.

“If you don’t know what it is, or what it looks like, it’s terrifying,” Carroll said. Merelli added, “people are afraid of what they don’t know.” 

Sometimes more than death itself, people are afraid of the grief associated with losing someone they love.

“We’re professional grievers,” laughed Carroll. She insists that talking about it helps. “That’s where we find out that we’re not alone in it. Then it’s not so scary when we can cry together, and we can celebrate the life together.”

Carroll compares death to the “big energy” of birth or watching a perfect sunset. Or sitting in a river and looking around at the stillness. “That’s death. And it’s humbling and it’s beautiful.” 

Merelli chimes in. “And it’s also life.”

Alexis Kikoen is a Senior Producer with Rocky Mountain PBS and can be reached at alexiskikoen@rmpbs.org.