My grandmother was devastated when her
father – a tall, bespectacled Midwestern farmer – took his own life. The way I
heard it, his aging body was failing him, so he took matters into his own hands.
That's the way it's been told – matter of factly. Did my great-grandpa talk
about his feelings to friends? I'd bet not. My dry and witty grandfather, in his
motor-oily coveralls, never talked about his. My own pop? It seems like he
might've mentioned feelings
once. My brothers, who came of
age in the 70s and 80s, are somewhat stoic but they'll discuss emotions if I
bring them up. It seems that with each generation, the stigma around talking
about feelings starts to fade. But the bad news is that suicide rates among men
are still startlingly high. Four times more men than women die from suicide.
Depression is treatable about 80% of the time, but too many men aren't seeking
help – perhaps because they're afraid to speak up.
A new PBS program,
"Men Get Depression," is coaxing a sensitive issue to the forefront, with men
like former NFL quarterback Eric Hipple coming forward to talk about depression.
The program illustrates how depression plays no favorites: It worms its way into
men of all ages, races and social groups.
Producers of the program also
interviewed a number of wives, children and friends to learn more about
depression's effects. If you've been close to a depressed person, these quotes
may ring a bell:
And I didn't see
him as a father because he just was totally hopelessness, withdrawn. He was
physically a person that was in the room, but there was no conversation there;
there was no involvement. To me I really thought he didn't care or he just
didn't love us or didn't love us enough. -Diana, daughter
of 65-year-old Moises from Guatemala
I'd always felt like I was walking on eggshells. Was
he going to be Mr. Wonderful? Or was he going to be a bear? You know, I'm out
of here. I can't take it anymore. You're driving me crazy. In desperation, I
was saying, David, we've got to do something. This is just out of
control. – Anne, David's wife
She actually told me the truth, that I'd been
miserable to live with, that she had actually thought about leaving, you know,
with the kids. – David, university professor
If
you are (or know) a man who's struggling with depression, "Men Get Depression"
offers a number of resources to learn more. In the Denver area, you can attend a
screening and discussion of the documentary next
Tuesday, May 20, at Regis University. Statewide, you can tune
in
Sunday, May 25, at 1 p.m. on Rocky Mountain PBS. You can also
check the
program website for a number of tools,
including:
- information on signs and symptoms
- resources for getting help for yourself or a loved one
- a toolkit for hosting your own screening of the
documentary
- information in Spanish.
I'm sad to say that I've lost a number of friends and
acquaintances to suicide. All were men. Some weren't surprises, but others
absolutely were. There was never a chance to intervene because I didn't know. I
hope with this new program and outreach effort, men with depression will feel
less alone and more comfortable asking for help.
Do you have experience
with a depressed man who had trouble discussing his problems? Do you have
experience with someone who successfully sought treatment? Sharing stories is a
great method of helping others find the way, so please let us know.
-
Allison, Rocky Mountain PBS
P.S. Rocky Mountain PBS is also airing a new
program, "Depression: Out of the Shadows" Wednesday, May 21, at 9
p.m.
